narcissist

us

2008-05-24T20:01:00.000-07:00

love you . . .

love me . . .

love us . . .

us

2008-05-03T23:07:00.000-07:00

cinta ku tak berdusta
tak mengenal ingkar
tak kenal nestapa
cinta ku hanya indah
hanya bahagia
untuk selamanya

apa yang ku rasa kan ini
persembahan untuk dirimu
kau dengar kasihku

mencintaimu
tak mengenal waktu
tak mengenal puitis
tulus nya hati
mencintaimu
tak mengenal ragu
keyakinan hatiku untuk dirimu
selalu

cinta ku tak berdusta
tak mengenal ingkar
tak kenal nestapa
cinta ku hanya indah
hanya bahagia
untuk selamanya

tak ada seribu janji
hanya bahagia untuk selamanya
apa yang ku rasa kan ini
persembahan untuk dirimu
kau dengar kasihku

---------------

iam happy.

never felt so happy and loved for so long already. thank you for being here with me. thks for loving me so much. thks for the lovely moments. iam happy.

really i am.

away again

2008-04-06T03:17:00.000-07:00

so iam going to be away again. for another a week. hmmm now that the new guys are back. could predict that things wont be the same again. wont be as fun. wont be as quiet. but well, i can only hope and pray that things would prove otherwise.

and also besides the fact that we could only meet next sun. pretty long. but well. 5 more months and hes out. hope it would be better by then.

somehow i still feel agitated for skipping the last episode of just in singapore. should have ignored my sis's invite to join her. haha.

and a moment ago yana was complaining to me about how tedious and annoying the process of studying over at germany is. having to go through a lot of documents. and visa approval. transfering cash from sg dollars into euros in order to come up with another account statement and yada yada... and able to speak german is crucial. and so she assured me (after experiencing herself) that studying at germany is afterall not a good choice. duh

peter said something earlier that made me erm... ponder. well it's not like as if i ve never heard it before. a couple of people have came up to me and said something similar. and i will never fail to feel pai seh . hehe. perhaps it was too flattering for me. heh. it also made me wonder how true those statements were.

viewing pleasure

2008-03-26T04:34:00.000-07:00

i have gathered these three videos which i find very interesting. they are not new to us. perhaps most of you have seen it. i just love the creativity and braveness in each of the videos.

a new beginning

2008-03-25T07:22:00.000-07:00

so i will be turning 24 tomorrow. something iam not looking forward for. heh. perhaps its the number. and the current situation iam at.

anyway yana flew off to germany yesterday to complete her masters. iam so goin to miss her. but well.... and congrates to ida for completing her diploma studies. all the best with your graduation show tomorrow. and since your graduation ceremony falls on my birthday, i bet it's a good sign. heh. and oh thks a billion for the present. appreciate it very much. so sweet of you to send it personally to me.

and so, i hope from tomorrow onwards it would be a new beginning for me. to strive for the better and to achieve my goals in life.

Inferiority Complex

2008-03-06T04:42:00.000-08:00

always the last, always the slowest
always the least worthy, always the least respected
always the one to break things
always the one to displease others

trying his best, he could never catch up with his peers
running desperately far behind their footprints
he cannot kick a football properly no matter how hard he tries
neither can he stop bullies from kicking his backside

he may finish first in his favourite subject
but last in everything else
he may be excellent in debates
but absurdly terrible in arguments

when he keeps quite, others call him anti-soial
when he talks, everyone dislikes listening to him
when he keeps to himself, he is selfish
when he helped others, he is an offensive jerk

he says what he should not have said
he does everything he is not supposed to do
he succeeds where he is supposed to fail
he fails where he is supposed to succeed

slow coach, they jeer at him
the great sissy, they proclaim upon his entry
the teacher's pet, is his class alias
they never call him by his real name

no matter what happens, he is wrong
no matter the situation, he has failed
no matter the time, he is late
no matter where he aims, he misses

alone and homeless
depressed and sad
angry and frustrated
his emotions dissapear into him

he is odd
he is confusing
he is cold
he is different...

hating it

2008-03-05T07:12:00.000-08:00

i think its the same old feeling again. just wondering when will this repetition ends. love the experience but hate the possible implications.

hate it. hate it

again

2008-01-26T05:14:00.000-08:00

the environment has been different. not for the better. nor for the worse. iam not quite sure what it is. but i do admit that i feel kinda weird. weird to be in an environment where i have to adjust myself to the situation. and i feel dumb. on the one hand, i sacred. and sometimes being in a situation where i do not know how to adjust myself. on the other hand, i should be thankful.

today i have done something wrong. yes. i do admit that i have done something terribly wrong. and that iam guilty of it. i am not sure how to put it. one thing for sure. i vent my anger on someone whom i respect the most. i didnt want to be angry. i hate being angry. but i just cant take the pressure. the pressure of being scolded for no reason. and to feel guilty over what have happened. i do understand that the world doesnt revolve around me.

well i guess i have to do some anger management.

endless complications

2007-11-04T00:31:00.000-07:00

i seriously do not know why iam not feeling sad. i know i should be feeling sad but i just cant. but at the same time, iam not too sure if i should be feeling sad. life has been quite complicated. starting a commitment with uncertainties. struggling to sustain and maintain the almost completed life story. frustrations and annoyed by the actions of some irresponsible and brainless humans. the slight change of character of someone close due to the huge amount of responsibilities and fatigue. cant bear to see the pain she has to go through. enduring all sorts of nonsense!

despite of all these, i am thankful to have someone by the side. someone whom i can turn to. a God's gift from heaven. my only concern is the possibilities of more complications which may arise from these.

away from civilizations

2007-09-28T21:53:00.000-07:00

getting away from civilizations was a poignant one. having to serve the nation was something i wasnt at all looking forward for. now that iam done with the two weeks confinement, i found that life at tekong wasnt bad at all. ironically, i enjoyed the stay there. trainings were tough and all but with the buddies i have, it was just so amazing. honestly, we spent 80% of the time laughing and gossiping away! haha coolness. now iam just waiting for p.o.p. tada!

lasalle convocation 2007

2007-09-03T00:21:00.000-07:00

and... finally.... convocation day. holding on to that cert was an amzing experience and relief. and i was really blessed having my family around me, gracing the auspicious occasion. =0) and oh... congratulations to all VA5A/6A(06/07) may success be ahead of you!

only you

2007-08-21T06:14:00.000-07:00

i truly, deeply, sincerely in love with my smelly bunny!

only you in my heart sweetheart

celebration of happiness and sadness

2007-08-10T10:01:00.000-07:00

the beginning of the ndp training were fun. and then it gets more exciting when we get to know more people. and then it became more exhilarating as we completed the steps and formations. we met every week and became closer. we shared common jokes. hand around common spots. having colour codes every week. and then we were all waiting anxiously for the big day.

and then the big day arrives.

instead of feeling happy, sadness filled the air. overjoyed with the final day yet downhearted with the last weekly meet-ups.

anyways...

i hope that you guys watched the live telecast of ndp 07 at marina bay. below is a video by salihan.

you know, iam really too lazy to upload pics into my blog. however you can view the ndp images on my friendster k.

click here.

all set

2007-08-07T10:26:00.000-07:00

counting down to the big day. the national day parade that is. its a must watch for all singaporeans. this is gonna be the biggest and the grandest ndp ever. having the platform to be the biggest floating platform in the world, with all the heart-trilling action and stunning performances. be sure to cath it live ok and be thrilled.

a lost friend

2007-07-19T02:48:00.000-07:00

it has been more than 2 weeks now since felicia or commonly known as 'gayah' went missing. the article in Berita Harian yesterday reminded me again. it's terrifying to know how a person could just dissapear in a minute. and this article really saddens me. my bro, shahid, who is her classmate was one the many people who have helped searching for her.

REMAJA HILANG (an article from Berita Harian, 18th July 2007, pg 2)

SEORANG remaja perempuan berusia 19 tahun, Felicia Teo Wei Ling, dilaporkan hilang sejak 29 Jun lalu.

Dia kali terakhir dilihat keluar untuk ke tempat kerja sekitar 6 petang dari flatnya di Blok 233 Bain Street.

Semalam, polis mengeluarkan kenyataan media meminta orang ramai yang mempunyai maklumat mengenai Teo agar menghubungi pihak polis.

Teo berketurunan Cina, setinggi 1.6 meter, berbadan kurus dan mempunyai kulit yang agak gelap. Rambutnya hitam dan pendek.

Keluarga Teo memberitahu akhbar Lianhe Wanbao bahawa Teo dijadualkan menghadiri majlis perkahwinan rakannya pada 30 Jun lalu.

Namun, dia dikatakan tidak menghadiri majlis perkahwinan itu.

Adiknya, Teo Wei De, 18 tahun, berkata kakaknya itu merupakan pelajar tahun pertama Maktab Seni LaSalle-SIA.

Sejak kehilangannya, sekitar 100 rakan dan saudara-maranya telah mencarinya di kawasan yang dikatakan sering dikunjunginya iaitu di Marine Parade, Clarke Quay dan East Coast.

Orang ramai yang mempunyai maklumat mengenai Teo diminta menghubungi hotline polis di 1800-255-0000.

how ironic!

2007-07-15T01:01:00.000-07:00

A list of things about sulaiman which you probably wouldn't be dying to know:

oh ok or at least to those who were born in march... for that matter:

MARCH
* Attractive personality
* Affectionate
* Shy and reserved
* Secretive
* Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic
* Loves peace and serenity
* Sensitive to others
* Loves to serve others
* Not easily angered
* Trustworthy
* Appreciative and returns kindness
* Observant and assess others
* Revengeful
* Loves to dream and fantasize
* Loves traveling
* Loves attention
* Loves home decors
* Musically talented
* Loves special things
* Moody

Traditional Aries Traits
*Adventurous and energetic
*Pioneering and courageous
*Enthusiastic and confident
*Dynamic and quick-witted
*Selfish and quick-tempered
*Impulsive and impatient
*Foolhardy and daredevil

ARIES
Outgoing, lovable, spontaneous, not one to mess with. Funny,
excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable, loves relationships,
addictive, loud.
(taken from an email sent by yana)

i know it sounds ironic but i usually dont update or even bother to read through horoscopes. but at times when i did, it just makes sense. i mean iam not refering to the qualities or characteristics aspects. but merely, the daily events one goes through. iam just amazed by how it is able to predict life and actual accounts of your real life. and the most amazing thing is that iam now kinda hook with it.

how ironic.

anyways, back to actual real life. celebrated rachel's birthday after NDP NE show 1 yesterday. met kieran, jonathan, idris, aundrey, niki, wu shen and rachel at istana park. hmmm.. i always like birthday celebrations. such a joyous event.

and while waiting for our show, Harry Potter at 2.25am, we sat in circle just outside cathay. and we played the panda game. err i know it might sound a bit lame, but after rachel successfully explained the game, we found the game, erm quite addictive ah. hah. and of course, being with these ppl were just great lah. laugh and laugh. hah. hmmm.. somehow i realise how many great ppl are around me and i feel so blessed.

in contemplation

2007-07-13T00:16:00.000-07:00

was with the uncle at ite college east attending a concert organised by ite and cemta. met a couple of familiar faces here and there. i think i enjoyed the company more than the concert. or at least if we talk about the performance, i admire the live band and percussions more than anything else. erm then i think you should know what iam trying to imply right...? heh

while having dinner, we chatted over some urgent matters. and the conversation left me in deep comtemplation and perhaps a few percentage of guilt. but i guess i had to leave it to the one who is responsible for everything that had happened. and i have come to the conclusion that i should not, however, make any more efforts. perhaps i ll leave it to time and see how things fall into place.

ratizayidelfida and bib and raud

2007-07-11T23:42:00.000-07:00

finally ratizayidelfida reunite again. this time with biba and raudah. and as usual, it was chaotic! haha... well just as we met, elfi was explaining how different each one of us now. i mean it wasnt very long ago since we last met each other ah. just that he kept complaining that me and ayid are shrinking. iza kept pleasing everyone that i wasnt always late as usual and stuff... hah.

so went to cine@ L9 at cineleisure to book a room and watch dvd. and at first we were all so excited and all. the choice, at first was, american haunting and dreamgirls. and according to vote, it was american haunting. and damn... ok first it was not so scary as we thought it would be. secondly, the plot was soo damn complicated. and we all went like... huh? what? who was that guy? so who rapped the girl? yeah... and the funny thing is that each one of us were trying to make sense of the whole story by trying to come out with our own explainations and stuff....

duh.

yeah... the last two pics we were suppose to look dumb. but as it seems... really cannot make it lar... hah

specially for our dearest mom

2007-07-10T01:29:00.000-07:00

a special celebration for a special person.

mcnally street, serene center and marina bay

2007-07-08T09:29:00.000-07:00

so i had to return the convocation attendance letter to the college. and ya, went to the new building of lasalle at macnally street. semester begins this august at the new college. but i have to say that the college is only 60% done. yah. but it sure looks cool.

was helping my classmate, shin yin who needed some help with her model shooting audition at serene center, ferrer road. the audition was kinda cool. looking at model wannabes posing awkwardly in front of the camera. some giggling away. a few went out of ideas. and of course, i stole some of their time taking some... erm... good photographs... hee.. well whats a photographer for? hee...

and we had the family day cum NE show at marina bay. and it was super cool! you can view our performance here. courtesy of zam, of course, who else can i depend on when it comes to these kinda thing. hah.

blah blah...

2007-07-03T10:14:00.000-07:00

the change of plan to junction 8 instead of vivo by kieran was a brilliant one. erm besides being able to meet mike lah at coffee bean. hah. well the place has changed a lot. it has been years since i last visited junction 8.

yeah, we were like lil kids, slamming those buttons and controlling those steerings and guns.

but i guess the best part of the day, besides watching transformers and meeting mike, was to watch idris pierce his ears. haha. yeah. me, kieran and rachel were literally forcing idris to pierce his ears. hah. and of course he ended up doing it. without much hesitation, finally. woah... eh wait wait. we are not trying to encourage him ok. we are just trying to fulfil his cravings. haha.

and oh, before we went back home, mike brought up some issues. and idris said something quite comforting. iam glad that they know the truth. mmm...

enduring with life

2007-07-01T10:39:00.000-07:00

there were many times in my life where i felt cheated. cheated by people around me. i often question myself why such things happen. why are they neccessary in life. there were also times when people tell lies. so much that i feel like killing myself.

i have to admit that i do tell lies myself sometimes. but i just cant understand and tolerate a person who tell lies each and every day without feeling guilty or ashame.

i chatted with bear over these issues. he too faced the same situations. unlike him, i am not the type of person who could read or understand people merely from their weird conversations. whatever that is happening, is way too much. i am at the verge of excluding him. i do feel guilty. but taking it seriously, i had enough of all these games. i am tired of pretending that everything is fine. i am tired of smiling at him when i know, deep down inside that something is wrong. i am tired of listening to your lies and pretending that i believe you.

sometimes i am ashamed of myself. i dont know why. maybe because iam doing something which i know that is not right. my close friends have been pestering me to rectify the situation. and yes, i am trying to rectify and solve the problem. and now, i am at a point where iam telling myself that i am not going to work any harder to solve the problem because it has always been me who is trying so hard to solve the problem.

maybe i am not tyring hard enough. or maybe iam applying the wrong method. but above all, i guess the reason why the problem has never been able to solve is because i am the only one making effort. and seriously, iam tired.

maybe theres no point to this post. beacuse i realise that there is no point in bringing up the issue anymore. i guess i ll do whatever that is best for me. and not to let such trivial issue put me down. and i know i can.

jalan bukit setiawangsa, kuala lumpur

2007-06-27T11:26:00.000-07:00

spent the last weekend with the uncles and a friend at kuala lumpur. hasn't changed pretty much over there. things were pretty similar. the things that were different were probably the company and the activities we had. but i must say that i enjoyed the trip no doubt there were a few.. erm moments where i felt miserable. well i guess the lesson to learn here is to accept things as they are and people around you for who they really are.

sometimes it made my wonder how far a person could go in order to achieve what they have always wanted. and sometimes things happen beyond our control and that is when we realised how vulnerable we humans are. but sometimes we fail to realise that the incidents happened were actually what we have been waiting for.

first combined rehearsal

2007-06-05T01:06:00.000-07:00

video courtesy of zam

was extremely excited throughout the rehearsal. probably because of the new venue in this year's ndp.

2007-05-27T22:35:00.000-07:00

photo montage. courtesy of salihan

ndp rehearsal by zam

social connections

2007-05-24T22:34:00.000-07:00

while preparing for this entry, i found a kind of connection. erm a social connection. you know how many friends we have. how many groups of friends we have. and the interesting part is how strong the connection with your friends is. make sense? nevermind. maybe theres no sense to this entry.

spent the last weekend with two different groups of friends. went to siloso beach and attended the ndp combined rehearsal. these are the moments in life that we kinda feel very comfortable, relaxed and most enjoyable.

personal choice or genes or the way we were raised?

2007-05-18T01:01:00.000-07:00

yet another interesting research. personally i think reading up such topic is crucial so as to have better understading of people like them. being in a cosmopolitan world with diverse cultures, accepting these minorities are imperative. and more importantly with the given facts, we can therefore understand why and how these minorities exists.

what's with americans...?

2007-05-17T00:11:00.000-07:00

i really couldn't believe my ears and eyes when the news broke out about melinda's elimination in american idol season 6. she has been in my top list ever since i first heard her singing. i really had thought that she would make it to the finals. damn what's with americans? iam aware, however, that one must have the whole package in becoming the next idol, but at least can people start realising the importance of talent? and that it should come first in the list? iam speechless. really i am.

top 3 finalist

now that it is left with blake and jordan. my support goes to blake. i think he's cool.

recalling the old times

2007-05-16T23:42:00.000-07:00

spend the day with hafiz around town. this is the moment where i felt so comfortable. something which i have not felt from the previous meet ups. was so glad that this long lost soul is back. heh.

then we realised that it is no longer neccessary to share or recall what have happened six years ago. and decided that we should move on and embrace the present.

mos, mother's day and spiderman 3

2007-05-14T22:56:00.000-07:00

celebrating mother's day with NDP PA mass display group at ministry of sound last sunday was a joyful one. it has been quite a while since i last clubbed. i had been to several clubs and bars around but i still miss my favourite one. chinablack that is. now that it is gone. mmm... i must also mention that the event was also a meaningful one because of what happened after the party. some were mad. some were almost screaming. some were crying. i couldn't controlled my anger too. but it all ended nicely. and things fall into places rather smoothly. incident like this taught us all a lesson - being forgiving and showing mutual respect.

two mother's day celebrations in a day. this time was with my family. had dinner and walked around. oh and i remembered, taking this photo was soooo difficult. yeah, it was taken by my brother in law. having my dad to crack jokes while taking photographes. having my sis being extremely particular with the angle and how she looks in the photo. god...

met up with tcc gang last night as the managers had promised a movie treat. cathed up with many things. it has been a while since i last met them up. i really miss them so much and the outlet too - to be really honest. so as promised we went to watched spiderman 3. 8 of us in total and 5 of use have already watched the movie before hand including me. being the second time last night. but we have all agreed to watch it again as we have promised earlier and due to the fact that the movie was extremely entertaining.

about sulaiman

2007-05-10T03:06:00.000-07:00

so sulaiman will write about himself here. just about himself.

what he thinks of himself.

what he knows about himself.

anything that is narcissistic enough to talk about.

no, this is unlike an ordinary diary.

more lke his self reflection maybe.

the question would be, how would he start this off?